Jimmy Front Range – Broadcaster, investigator, and one of the few people in America actively attempting to warn the public about what’s really going on. Lives and works out of a combined trailer/radio station somewhere outside Red Rocks.
Possesses an extensive network of contacts, informants, police scanners, amateur researchers, retired military personnel, and at least one source who may simply be trespassing on federal property just for shits and giggles.
Most cases begin when Jimmy hears something strange and points us toward it. This happens disturbingly regularly.
Ernie – Jimmy’s cousin and employee of the Stop N’ Slop convenience store. An enthusiastic student of marijuana culture who occasionally finds time for half-hearted participation in the convenience store industry.
Served as the primary witness to the Coors Light Incident, during which an unidentified individual employed what appeared to be localized temporal manipulation to steal a six-pack of beer.
Brian Thompson [Deceased] – Leading suspect in the theft of the aforementioned six-pack.
Former geology graduate student at Colorado State who entered one of the Voss caves as an ordinary young man and emerged convinced that reality was negotiable. Following this exposure, he developed a number of concerning habits including,
- Receiving instructions from Elias Voss
- Triggering localized spacetime distortions
- Causing traffic accidents through accidental time loops
- Filling walls with equations and diagrams that looked like science, felt like science, and may unfortunately have actually been science
- Keeping dead bodies in his apartment
Brian ultimately died pursuing whatever Voss was trying to accomplish. At the time of his death, he appeared convinced he was on the right side of history, an attitude, incidentally, shared by both sides of the Cold War.
Sara Marks [Deceased] – Brian Thompson’s girlfriend who followed a remarkably similar trajectory after exploring a second cave connected to Voss.
Redecorated a local warehouse with a pastiche of human skin and a crack in the floor leading to some hideous creature from an alternate dimension. Otherwise reportedly well-adjusted.
Brad – Sara Marks’ other squeeze. Owner of a red Camaro featuring an American Eagle decal large enough to be observed from low Earth orbit. Developed the Voss rash after becoming involved with Sara.
Kim –Brad’s other squeeze who developed the Voss rash after becoming involved with Brad. Was none too happy to hear about Sara. Apparently, a bitchin’ Camaro can only get you so much leeway with the girls.
Tina – A tattoo artist who noticed that a growing number of people around Red Rocks were developing spiral-shaped rashes and reached the obvious entrepreneurial conclusion – if people like mysterious supernatural infections, perhaps they would also like tattoos that resemble mysterious supernatural infections. To be fair, she was not entirely wrong.
Elias Voss – Physicist. Former Manhattan Project researcher who looked at the largest military project in human history and decided that they were thinking too small. Rather than studying nuclear bombs, Voss devoted himself to understanding the nature of reality itself. His research focused on the possibility that the laws of physics are not universal and that conditions from one reality might be imported into another.
This was apparently considered a bad idea by reality. Not to mention the rest of us.
Conducted extensive research throughout Nevada, the Four Corners region, and the cave systems around Red Rocks before vanishing under circumstances that remain unclear.
Despite being absent for years, Voss continues to be responsible for the overwhelming majority of our current problems.
Keeps making psychic contact with otherwise normal people and telling them to follow him in a tone not unlike a scruffy man in a white van offering candy to kids.
Becky – Cooter’s sister? Cousin? Ex-girlfriend? Maybe all three? Whatever the relationship, Cooter is a devoted admirer of her teeth. Works as a nurse in the local hospital where she looked after Sara Marks before she elected to leave AMA without signing any paperwork. Soon afterwards started hearing voices telling her to “Follow Voss” and “The pattern is more powerful when carved into flesh than into stone.”
We decided all of that was definitely none of the board of nursing’s business.
Dr. Miller/White – A dermatologist who possesses either two last names or one unusually complicated last name. I have not yet determined which.
First physician to seriously investigate the Voss rash. Correctly identified several important properties, including,
- The rash moves when not observed.
- It exhibits fractal structures.
- It is unlike anything currently described in medical literature.
Remained convinced that the rash was probably fungal even after the rash tried to possess him. Doctors are remarkably committed to evidence-based medicine right up until the evidence starts whispering. Then they fall back on good old “expert opinion”.
Security Guard at the Morgue – Part-time security professional and unofficial facilitator of after-hours corpse viewing who accepts bribes with the efficiency of a man who has seen this situation many times before.
Unfortunately appears convinced that our repeated visits to the morgue involve activities considerably less scientific than they actually are, possibly because he knew Cooter during his youth.
When questioned, Cooter described the relationship only as, “Teenage hijinks and stuff.” Given the source, this explanation raises more concerns than it resolves.
Bianca – Cooter’s current girlfriend, wife, partner, accomplice, or possibly all four. Reportedly both wealthy and kinky. Nobody has determined what Bianca actually does for a living. Theories currently include,
- Real estate
- Investment banking
- Organized crime
- Some combination of the above
Cooter insists the answer is far less interesting than any of these possibilities which has only increased my suspicions.
Jack/”Python” – Local adulterer who developed the unfortunate habit of sleeping with the wife of a tanning bed/hot tub salesman and subsequently discovered that said salesmen possess both emotions and access to hired muscle.
The group eventually helped resolve the matter in exchange for several used tanning beds. The resulting sequence of events was sufficiently convoluted that local law enforcement appears unable to determine that a crime occurred, let alone who committed it.
Tiffany/Darkness – Teenaged followers of the Darklord. Also associated with Asmodeus and Ishtar, but notably not Moloch due to what they refer to only as “The Incident.” Despite serving ancient supernatural powers, continue to exhibit many traditional teenage behaviors, including questionable judgment, poor planning, and joining organizations with dramatic names.
Currently attempting to stop incursions from the Void because, according to them, the Darklord claims dominion over both Earth and Hell and therefore views extradimensional invaders as a jurisdictional dispute.
“Ted” (Almost Certainly Not His Real Name) – Field agent with the Aberration Task Force which appears to have two primary responsibilities,
- Protect the public from supernatural threats.
- Ensure the public never learns about supernatural threats.
Judging by recent events, they are significantly more efficient at the second objective. Most of their current efforts involve repairing regions where the Void has begun leaking into reality. According to Ted, spiral patterns represent reality’s attempt to defend itself against these incursions. I bet he’s neck deep in the Lego conspiracy as well but I’ll have to set that aside for later.
Mr. Chompy – Formerly Cooter’s left arm.
Following contact with a living wall hanging composed of human skin (known as the Skin Psalm), Cooter’s arm developed,
- Tentacles for fingers
- A ravenous mouth in the palm
- Semi-independent thought
Most people would regard this as a serious medical emergency. Cooter regarded it as the beginning of a friendship. Through a combination of Tater Tots and positive reinforcement he appeared well on his way to domesticating the thing before the group ultimately decided it should be banished.
Cooter was genuinely disappointed.
He remains convinced that Mr. Chompy and Bianca would have gotten along famously.
Dr. Beauregard – Orthodontist and proprietor of Happy Smiles who contacted Jimmy Front Range after discovering several children whose teeth had reorganized themselves into spiral formations.
The extracted teeth subsequently demonstrated the ability to,
- Vibrate
- Whisper
- Sing
- Discuss the Void
As far as I know, none of these behaviors are covered in standard dental training. An attempt to assist Dr. Beauregard went poorly, resulting in his eyes turning completely black and requiring sedation via his own nitrous oxide supply.
I suspect this was not discussed in dental school either.
Vlad Drakoi – Wealthy occult collector residing outside Boulder known to Father O’Malley’s Church, the Aberration Task Force, various supernatural organizations, and seemingly anyone else who has spent enough time around cursed objects.
Maintains an extensive collection of occult artifacts and information but strongly prefers trade over charity. This is frustrating because Vlad often possesses exactly what we need and is fully aware of that fact. Nevertheless, he remains one of the more useful people we’ve encountered.
Erica – High school student and older sister of one of several Dungeons & Dragons players who disappeared under mysterious circumstances after developing the spiral teeth that Dr. Beauregard documented.
The experience appears to have deeply traumatized Erica whose immediate response was to go to the mall. Psychologists should probably study this.
Fatty McGuillicudy – The only member of the missing D&D group who appears to have escaped direct exposure. He told us that his friends gradually became obsessed with strange ideas before abruptly deciding to visit a specific cave in Red Rocks Forest.
Unfortunately, this was the same cave associated with Brian Thompson, Sara Marks, and several of our other problems.
When multiple investigations begin pointing toward the same cave, I generally assume the cave is trying to tell us something. Undoubtedly something terrible.
You Two/U2 – Two-headed Rottweiler originally intended to be a ravening hell-beast when summoned by either Tiffany or Darkness during the confrontation with Sara Marks.
The spell apparently malfunctioned and the result was considerably friendlier than expected.
Displays strong affection toward members of the group and an equally strong appetite for matter originating from the Void.
Consumption of such material causes immediate growth. And by immediate, I mean immediate.
At present You Two remains somewhere on the spectrum between “such a good dog” and “emerging ecological concern.”