Excerpt From a Recent Edition of The Royal Standard
Staff Announcements & Reassignments
The Editorial Board of The Royal Standard is pleased to announce the appointment of Mr. Pfinder to the position of Probationary Correspondent, Domestic Division (Reporting to the Deputy Editor for Public Reassurance).
Mr. Pfinder, formerly of the adventuring trade, brings with him extensive experience in matters of field observation, narrative embellishment, and surviving hostile conditions — all qualities expected to prove valuable in the current journalistic climate. His inaugural assignment will focus on “Stories of Hope and Proper Obedience” within the lower districts of Manchester, pending clarification of insurance coverage and access to quills.
In accordance with Crown regulations for new press employees, Mr. Pfinder has submitted the required Oaths of Loyalty, Non-Disclosure, and Measured Enthusiasm, and is scheduled to attend his mandatory training seminar on “Responsible Reporting and the Appearance of Balance” later this week.
Readers may look forward to Mr. Pfinder’s first contribution in the coming issue – “Voices of the Common Folk: Why They’re Grateful, Really.“
The Editorial Board extends its warmest welcome and reminds readers and new hires alike that The Royal Standard’s motto remains, as ever: “Truth, in Service of Stability.“
Voices of the Common Folk: Why They’re Grateful, Really
By Mr. Pfinder, Intern Emeritus for The Royal Standard
When one ventures among the industrious citizens of Manchester’s humbler quarters, one is immediately struck by the sheer abundance of gratitude. It drips from the gutters like rainwater and clings to the air like the smell of progress. I found myself ankle-deep in it before I had taken three steps down Factory Row.
“Things could be worse,” declared one cheerful fishmonger as she stared into the middle distance. “At least the rats pay no taxes.” Her optimism was contagious, though the disease itself may have been literal.
Further along, I encountered a tailor mending the same sleeve for the fourth time. He informed me that his business had never been better, owing to the fact that no one could afford new clothing. “It’s good for the trade,” he said brightly, “so long as no one gets any richer.”
Such stoic contentment reflects the wisdom of our social order. Indeed, the Ministry of Moral Hygiene reminds us that true happiness begins with low expectations. It is therefore the duty of every patriotic citizen to keep theirs modest and well-laundered.
Of course, not all gratitude is spontaneous. In several homes, I observed framed portraits of His Majesty smiling benevolently down upon the inhabitants — sometimes even nailed at an angle to conceal cracks in the wall. When I asked one family what the portrait meant to them, the father replied, “It keeps the draft out.”
Truly, devotion comes in many forms.
In closing, let us take heart from the resilience of Archea’s working people — who endure, who persevere, and who, by their shining example, remind us all that while the wheels of progress may grind slowly, they grind best when properly greased with obedience.
Or as the fishmonger put it, “If we must sink, at least we’re all in the same boat.”
Her tone was almost cheerful.
Her boat, less so.